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Note: For info on the Special Operation, see the page Special Operations - Mann vs Machine.

  • Nick Fury: Agent, you're here in this desolate and desertic land for a simple reason. Saxton Hale, CEO of Mann Corporation, requested S.H.I.E.L.D. help to fight an army of robots threatening his company.
  • Maria Hill: Unfortunately, Hale cannot be present now because he had to leave for Canada, to... fight bears, he said. Anyway, we can talk to his secretary, Miss Pauling.
  • Miss Pauling: Thank you, S.H.I.E.L.D.. I think Mr. Fury explained well why we asked for your help. You'll cooperate with a team of mercenaries hired my Mr. Hale.
  • Heavy: Welcome in Mannhattan, Agent. I am the Heavy Weapons guy, and the leader of the mercenaries. You'll know my friends soon: prepare yourself, we won't have time to breathe while fighting robots.
  • Maria Hill: How's the actual situation, guys?
  • Scout: Well, I am single, Miss Hill. Can I invite you to a romantic dinner this evening?
  • Maria Hill: Please?
  • Heavy: Scout is baby. Forgive baby. *Punches the Scout*
  • Spy: Anyway, the actual situation is good. We managed to contain their assaults until now, but we're afraid they could prepare a huge invasion sooner or later. We must be ready.
  • Nick Fury: You heard them, Agent. Act now.

Revealed

  • Nick Fury: Here's the first robot that looks stronger than the others.
  • Engineer: Yeah, it's my poor-made copy.
  • Iron Man: Whoa, Robo-Engineers. I wonder how did they manage to put so much intelligence in a machine.
  • Sniper: This is mine, mates.
  • Miss Pauling: Pay attention, Sniper. Robo-Engineers are very smart and can build structures equal to our Engineer's.
  • Sniper: Well, but his head is the same. And my bullets will easily pierce it.
  • Engineer: NOPE.

Start

  • Sniper: So, are you ready to be shotted, mecha-thing?
  • Robo-Engineer: Prepare-to-be-rear-kicked-human.
  • Engineer: Oh boy. This is an insult to me.
  • Sniper: Cover me while I take aim, mates.

Lose

  • Robo-Engineer: Mann-Co.-will-die!

Win

  • Sniper: As I thought. Robo-Engie's head cannot withstand a good headshot.
  • Nick Fury: Well, it wasn't so good anyway.
  • Iron Man: I admit, the real Engie is better. But just a bit.
  • Engineer: I heard you!

Revealed

  • Scout: What the hell is that crap?
  • Pyro: Mph mph mmph!
  • Sniper: As he said. A giant fast-running Scout!
  • Scout: Even faster than ME? That's impossible, pal!
  • Iron Man: Well, show us kid.

Start

  • Scout: Well, do you think you're fast?
  • Major League Scout: I'll-score-a-inning-with-your-head-human.
  • Scout: Well, you've got to catch me!
  • Spy: Don't provoke him, boy. He's three times taller than you.
  • Scout: Better. He'll make more noise while falling.

Lose

  • Major League Scout: Mann-Co.-will-die!

Win

  • Scout: And the crowd goes wild for the awesome Scout!!!
  • Nick Fury: Well done, boy. But we're not done yet.
  • Scout: Why do you break my happy feelings?
  • Nick Fury: See it like you've won only the second inning.

Revealed

  • Heavy: Heavy sees a giant Soldier!
  • Miss Pauling: Oh my goodness! Data stolen fron the Spy say it's been overcharged. Especially on fire speed.
  • Soldier: That one is not a real Soldier. That thing fights for no country. I'm gonna stomp that thing.
  • Maria Hill: Do you think you can take it, Soldier?
  • Soldier: I'll remember that giant robot who's the real warrior here!

Start

  • Soldier: Five meters tall, but you're not better than a little maggot!
  • Giant Rapid-Fire Soldier: I'm-gonna-smash-you-maggots.
  • Spy: You robots should stop stealing our lines.
  • Medic: Achtung! He's about to fire!

Lose

  • Giant Rapid-Fire Soldier: Mann-Co.-will-die!

Win

  • Medic: Are you all ok, Soldier?
  • Soldier: That stupid machine is an insult. Every robot is an insult. I feel insulted.
  • Engineer: I was thinkin' the same.
  • Maria Hill: Finally the Giant Soldier has fallen, but I'm pretty sure it was not the last.
  • Heavy: You deserve a medal, Agent. Thanks for your help.

  • Nick Fury: Everyone OK after this first wave?
  • Demoman: Not bad, mate. I'm gonna offer the fist whiskey!
  • Miss Pauling: Looks like we have a break. The robot invasion have stopped for now.
  • Nick Fury: We'll have a drink later. Miss Pauling, is there a weapon depot around here?
  • Miss Pauling: We have a Mann Store at about half a mile. Weapons and ammo are free for you if you like.
  • Maria Hill: Thank you, Miss Pauling.
  • Demoman: And what about that drink?
  • Soldier: I vote for the drink.
  • Nick Fury: And where do we find a saloon?
  • Demoman: Here! *Pulls out a bottle of whiskey* Cheers, mates!
  • Sniper: Leave somethin' for us mate!

  • Nick Fury: Here's the second wave, guys.
  • Miss Pauling: My data say they are bringing a lot of support robots. I'm afraid this wave will be more difficult.
  • Soldier: Support units? They usually fall with one or two rockets.
  • Sniper: OK, where are them?
  • Miss Pauling: They're coming!
  • Pyro: Mph mph mmmph mmph mph mmph!
  • Nick Fury: What did he say?
  • Soldier: Last one alive locks the door!

Revealed

  • Maria Hill: Robo-Medics with a Robo-Heavy. Looks they can plan strategies.
  • Demoman: Strategy? Bombs are the best strategy!
  • Medic: I cannot believe they built mecha Medics. For what I studied ten years then?
  • Iron Man: These robots are interesting. I'd like to shake hands with their inventor.
  • Heavy: Which side is man in red and yellow armor?
  • Iron Man: Don't worry, I was joking.

Start

  • Medic: Obviously you do not know what the Hippocratic Oath is.
  • Robo-Medic: Reconstructing-protocol-started. Target-Robo-Heavy.
  • Robo-Heavy: Humans-are-babies. Humans-must-die.
  • Iron Man: I hope they never meet Ultron.
  • Medic: OK, gefährten (Mates in German). This is personal now.
  • Heavy: Ready to fire, guys?

Lose

  • Robo-Heavy: Mann-Co.-will-die!

Win

  • Medic: And this just to teach you should not mock medicine!
  • Engineer: Huh, that was really hard boys.
  • Maria Hill: One Robo-Heavy is already strong, but with two Robo-Medics...
  • Spy: Pay attention, more are coming.

Revealed

  • Nick Fury: And now what's that?
  • Miss Pauling: They look like Robo-Snipers and Robo-Spies.
  • Nick Fury: Oh no...
  • Soldier: I see only Snipers.
  • Spy: You should know Spies are good to hide.
  • Demoman: Let's take them down all together!
  • Spy: You'll have your moment, Demo. Je suis prêt, collègues (I'm ready, colleagues in French).

Start

  • Spy: Agent, cover me while I sap them down.
  • Robo-Spy: You'll-never-be-able-to-hide-from-us-human.
  • Sniper: I have your heads in my sight, robots.
  • Robo-Sniper: Target-human-locked. Ready-to-headshot.
  • Pyro: MPH!
  • Spy: Do not worry, I bought a better knife. I can pierce them to their circuits.

Lose

  • Robo-Spy: Mann-Co.-will-die!

Win

  • Spy: And this was the last one.
  • Scout: As I thought. Spies are only able to hide and backstab like cowards.
  • Spy: If it wasn't for my "hide and backstab", son, you'd be dead now.
  • Nick Fury: Don't start arguing, please. It's not over yet.
  • Engineer: Interesting. I found an aimbot circuit inside the Robo-Snipers.
  • Sniper: Baaah, cheaters.

Revealed

  • Heavy: GIANT PYRO INCOMING!!!
  • Nick Fury: Oh, crap. This is gonna hurt.
  • Scout: Prepare the extinguishers!
  • Medic: Extinguishers will not work now, Späher (Scout in German). He could burn down a forest in a few minutes.
  • Demoman: Let's fight fire with fire!
  • Pyro: Mph mph!
  • Nick Fury: Do you think it would be a good idea?
  • Soldier: Sun Tzu said you have fifty percent chance to win if you fight fire with fire. But Sun Tzu did not know our Pyro.

Start

  • Pyro: Mph mph mph!
  • Giant Pyro: Mph-mph-mmmph!
  • Pyro: Mmmmmph!
  • Giant Pyro: MPH! Mph-mmph-mmmph-mmph!
  • Iron Man: Has someone got a single word of all this?
  • Engineer: They're saying bad words, Tony. Words I'd not like to repeat.

Lose

  • Giant Pyro: Mmph-mph-mmph-mph!

Win

  • Pyro: Mph mph.
  • Demoman: You've been perfect, mate!
  • Maria Hill: That was really tough. I never saw so much fire all at once.
  • Iron Man: Maybe we could have asked Human Torch to absorb it.
  • Nick Fury: Difficult. That thing fired flames too fast for Johnny to drain them.
  • Pyro: Mph mph mmph.
  • Heavy: I agree, tovarish (Comrade in Russian). Let's take a rest.

  • Maria Hill: And the second wave is done. What now?
  • Miss Pauling: Spy's telling me they're preparing their best units now. The next wave could be the last.
  • Soldier: Last wave? I'm gonna smash them all at once!
  • Scout: Yo, keep quiet with that rocket launcher, pal.
  • Nick Fury: Nice work, guys. Miss Pauling, any news from Saxton Hale?
  • Miss Pauling: I'm afraid not, Mr. Fury.
  • Sniper: Do S.H.I.E.L.D. need a weapon supply, Fury?
  • Nick Fury: You have some interesting toys, I could think about that.
  • Demoman: Whenever you want, mate!
  • Miss Pauling: I'll register an appointment then, but I don't know when Mr. Hale will be available. Rarely he follows his agenda.

  • Nick Fury: I feel like there's a big storm coming on us.
  • Miss Pauling: I think this will be the final wave, S.H.I.E.L.D.. According to our data, robots will be stronger now.
  • Heavy: Heavy wants to shoot down big robots!
  • Nick Fury: You'll have a lot of fun very soon, Heavy. Everyone, get ready.
  • Soldier: Mmmh... There's something odd here.
  • Maria Hill: What do you mean, Soldier?
  • Soldier: I fought these robots a lot of time. This is not normal. They usually come here and random shoot everywhere. Now they are smarter and come in ordered ranks.
  • Sniper: Well, robots are robots anyway. And our job is to destroy them.
  • Soldier: Hm, I don't know...

Revealed

  • Demoman: FINALLY MAH MOMENT HAS COME!
  • Nick Fury: Another Giant Robot? This time is a big Demoman.
  • Scout: Just how much have they spent to build all this?
  • Demoman: Well, I'm gonna bomb their robots and then bomb their money and then bomb them!

Start

  • Giant Demoman: Useless-human's-gonna-explode.
  • Demoman: Useless? USELESS TO ME?
  • Medic: Oh no...
  • Pyro: Mmmph...
  • Demoman: LISTEN-TO-ME-YOU-BLOODY-ROBOT-I-AM-THE-ONLY-ONE-REAL-SCOTTISH-DEMOMAN-WHO'S-GONNA-DESTROY-YA'-HEAD-AND-THEN-DESTROY-IT-AGAIN-AND-THEN-...*Etcetera*
  • Nick Fury: Please, make him shut up!

Lose

  • Giant Demoman: Mann-Co.-will-die!

Win

  • Demoman: I AM THE BEST DEMOMAN! HAVE YA' GOT IT NOW?
  • Iron Man: That was really a great show of... loud voices.
  • Soldier: Better for you to shut up, Stark.

Revealed

  • Sniper: Oh crap, another Robo-Engie.
  • Iron Man: What's the matter? After facing the giant robots, this will be a piece of cake.
  • Engineer: You should know mind's usually stronger than body, Stark.
  • Iron Man: Go tell this to the Giant Pyro.
  • Nick Fury: OK, OK guys. Sniper, are you ready?
  • Sniper: With da' shot in da' barrel, mate.
  • Engineer: Stop! This time I'm gonna face mah doppelganger by myself.
  • Maria Hill: It makes sense. Are you ready, Engineer?
  • Engineer: Heck yeah!

Start

  • Engineer: This time is Engie vs Engie, idiotic mecha-clone!
  • Robo-Engineer: Let's-do-this-Texas-style-human.
  • Engineer: Hehee, yeeeehaaaaw! Finally a robot who talks like me!
  • Robo-Engineer: My-sentry-is-bigger-than-yours-fella'.
  • Engineer: ... Nope.

Lose

  • Robo-Engineer: Mann-Co.-will-die!

Win

Revealed

  • Miss Pauling: Oh, my Goodness...
  • Nick Fury: What are those? Two giant robots together?
  • Miss Pauling: ... It's not just that.
  • Heavy: Giant Heavy and Giant Medic are babies. Heavy kills them.
  • Miss Pauling: The Giant Medic carries a special program for ÜberCharge emulation. And it looks like it's already fully loaded!
  • Heavy: WHAT?
  • Medic: DAS IST ZU VIEL (This is too much in German)!
  • Heavy: Come with me, Agent. Let's face and destroy our final boss!

Start

  • Heavy: Heavy is tired of robots.
  • Giant Über Medic: We-will-destroy-Mann-Co.-starting-from-you-human.
  • Spy: I don't think so. You failed to do it until now.
  • Giant Heavy: Giant-Heavy-is-ready-to-fire.
  • Giant Über Medic: ÜberCharge-program-ready. Target-Giant-Heavy.
  • Medic: But how the hell did they managed to replicate my ÜberCharge?
  • Heavy: Heavy does not care of ÜberCharged robots!

Lose

  • Giant Heavy: Mann-Co.-will-die!

Win

  • Heavy: Kiss me, Sasha. You did well!
  • Maria Hill: Who is Sasha?
  • Scout: (Low voice) His gun. Do not ask him anything about it, or he'll start talking 'til night. But you can still ask me my phone number.
  • Maria Hill: ... please.
  • Nick Fury: Were them the last ones?
  • Miss Pauling: I think so. I have no sign of robot activity on small, medium and long range on my radar devices.
  • Soldier: ... Yes, as I thought.
  • Pyro: Mmmph! Mmph mph mph?
  • Soldier: I did some investigations, buddies. Maybe I know who's behind this attack.
  • Nick Fury: Who do you mean?
  • Soldier: You'll find it soon. Agent, come with me.

Revealed

  • Maria Hill: Who the hell is that... weird guy?
  • Demoman: MERASMUS THE WIZARD? What da' hell is he doin' here?
  • Soldier: I found him enchanting the robots' circuits. As I thought, he's the one behind this attack.
  • Nick Fury: But who is him anyway?
  • Soldier: He's a wizard from Scotland. I divided a room with him a long ago. Me and the rest of the team faced him a lot of times.
  • Scout: Yeah pal, do you remember when he sent us back to Middle Ages?
  • Spy: I thought we defeated him definitively on the last Halloween. What does he want now?
  • Heavy: Wizard did not attack us. Wizard attacked Mann Co. now.
  • Soldier: I don't know the reason of this. I'm gonna ask him direcly. IN HIS FACE!

Start

  • Soldier: Merasmus? You're interested in technology now?
  • Merasmus: SOLDIER! I finally found you!
  • Soldier: Yeah, and what do you want? Some fresh American rockets?
  • Merasmus: We still have some things to settle. Remember when you kicked out of my house by... buying it without my approval? Or when you sent me to that jail, with all of them... scary big buys? Or when you made me lose the Bombinomicon by sending me in another dimension?
  • Soldier: Hee hee hee, that was very funny!
  • Merasmus: DO NOT LAUGH! It's not over yet between us. I'm gonna kill you first, then I'll kill the rest of your team with my magic! Merasmus the Wizard will take his revenge!
  • Soldier: And why you took control of those robots? Why have you attacked Mann Co.?
  • Merasmus: For many reasons. One: keeping you all busy while, as I predicted, you would have looked for what was behind this. Two: Destroying the company who gives you weapons and ammo. Three: KILLING YOU ALL AT ONCE!
  • Soldier: Shut up, Merasmus. This American boot will kick your rear back to Scotland.
  • Merasmus: BOMBINOMICON! Kill these mortals!
  • Soldier: You've found that book again? Whoa, congrats.

Lose

  • Merasmus: My magic will annihilate everything!

Win

  • Merasmus: My... magic... will...
  • Soldier: Shut up, Merasmus! Go use your magic in another place!
  • Merasmus: NNNOOOOOOOO! *Vanishes*
  • Maria Hill: Is it... over?
  • Demoman: I think so, sistah'.
  • Medic: The zauberer (Wizard in German) has vanished!
  • Pyro: Mmmph!
  • Sniper: No robots in sight, mates!
  • Demoman: YEAH! WE DID IT!

  • Nick Fury: Huh, it's finally over. Those robots are defeated.
  • Miss Pauling: Thank you, S.H.I.E.L.D., in the name of the whole Mann Corporation. I'll make sure to report everything to Mr. Hale.
  • Iron Man: Not at all, Miss Pauling. Those robots were funny to fight, anyway.
  • Heavy: Heavy thinks they'll come back, one day. But team will be ready.
  • Nick Fury: You can count on us, guys. Call us whenever you want.
  • Medic: Danke (Thanks in German), director Fury.
  • Engineer: Now what about a real rest, fellas'?
  • Demoman: Yeah! Let's drink and have fun!
  • Nick Fury: Well, why not?
  • Pyro: Mph mph mmmph!
  • Sniper: He said he'll take a straw to drink behind his mask.
  • Maria Hill: But he never takes off the mask?
  • Spy: He does not want to. No one ever saw him in his face.
  • Scout: And what about that date, Miss Hill?
  • Spy: Oh, no. *Facepalm*
  • Maria Hill: ... you're too young for me, Scout. *Everyone laugh*
  • Soldier: Our team is a team of foolish men. But an INVINCIBLE team of foolish men!

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